Where Do You Go When You Don’t Belong Anywhere? with Laurie Ratliff
Since her diagnosis at 34 and in the 20+ years she’s lived with metastatic breast cancer, Laurie has navigated many communities within breast cancer, searching for others like herself.
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Finding Belonging in the Many Worlds of Breast Cancer
Laurie Ratliff's story begins with a question that resonates far beyond her own experience: Where do you go when you don’t belong anywhere? Featured in the December 2019 issue of Wildfire Magazine and shared in a moving conversation on the Burn podcast, Lori explores what it means to exist on the margins of breast cancer communities, and how an absence of belonging ultimately led her to a place of deep connection and advocacy.
The Struggle to Belong
Laurie was first diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer more than 20 years ago, when she was just a young woman. In her words:
"I was young when I was first diagnosed. I was the youngest person in my support group... I am no longer young. I am not even on the threshold."
Lauri describes a lifetime of feeling like an outlier. She was too old for the “young survivor” communities, yet didn’t fit in with those navigating parenthood through cancer because she never wanted children. She wasn’t a newly diagnosed patient and couldn’t fully relate to those mourning infertility or living single while battling breast cancer.
Her honesty cuts to the heart of what many people face when living with illness—communities built to support can sometimes unintentionally alienate. Despite joining groups online and in person, Lauri often found herself on the periphery, unseen and unconnected.
The Unexpected Place of Belonging
After years of feeling isolated, Laurie’s journey took an unexpected turn when she made a decision to stop wearing prosthetics. For 15 years, she had worn them to “camouflage and disguise” her flat chest, but chronic pain forced her to reevaluate. This choice — to present as “flat” — opened up a path she never anticipated.
Laurie discovered online groups of women celebrating life after mastectomy, without reconstruction. She found herself in the “Flat” community — women who embrace their aesthetic flat closure as a valid, beautiful, and empowering post-mastectomy option.
"Flat has its own identity now. I’m a Flattie, and I belong here."
What was once an absence — no breasts, no prosthetics — became a defining presence in her life.
In her search for belonging, Laurie joined in-person retreats for flat women. There, she discovered the depth of connection that comes from shared understanding, despite differences in age, experience, or stage of diagnosis.
"Even though so many things were different, just that one thing and us being in the same place at the same time made me feel like I finally found a place that was comfortable — that felt right."
It was a turning point, a resolution to a story she had started years earlier but felt was unfinished. Finding the “Flat” community became both her ending and her new beginning.
Becoming an Advocate — Organically
Laurie’s story didn’t stop with finding her community. As she began to connect with others on social media —particularly on TikTok — her personal story transformed into advocacy. Her goal? To ensure that aesthetic flat closure is recognized and offered as a valid option for all breast cancer patients.
She acknowledges that advocacy came naturally, not because she set out to become an advocate, but because she was passionate about ensuring women have access to information and choice.
"You can choose whatever you want, but you can’t choose something if they don’t tell you it’s a choice."
Through her videos and community-building efforts, Laurie has become a voice for countless women seeking visibility, validation, and support.
Writing Prompt Inspired by Today’s Episode
Writing prompts can take all different forms, and sometimes they come from quotes. We can find inspiration from C. S. Lewis. He said, “Friendship is born in that moment when one person says, What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”
Wherever you are, maybe you are searching for your people. Use this quote and the following prompt while writing for a full eight minutes.
I'm searching for…
Set your timer for eight minutes, write without stopping or editing yourself.
If you find that you write best with a good prompt, check out our free prompts and learn about our writing workshops.
Happy writing! Until next time, take good care.
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