Barbershop Quartet with Erin Weiss
Psychotherapist Erin Weiss returns to The Burn for a third visit. Erin was diagnosed with Stage IV de novo metastatic breast cancer (MBC) following her first mammogram at 42. She’s been living with MBC since August 2019.
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Embracing Change: A Narrative of Hair and Healing
On this episode of The Burn, we welcome Erin Weiss back for her third appearance on the podcast. Those of you who’ve been listening might recognize her voice and the incredible, and humorous, stories she shares. Today, Erin will read her piece “Barbershop Quartet” from our 2024 Body Issue.
The Story Behind “Barbershop Quartet”
Erin begins by recounting her first haircut at the age of four. She insisted on going to her father’s barbershop, where Mr. Sam, a quintessential barber, transformed her fuzzy blonde pigtails into a side-parted hairstyle reminiscent of a mid-level executive. This choice, driven by the arrival of her baby brother, marked the beginning of a complicated relationship with her hair and identity. Erin shares how, as a young girl, she believed that if she looked like a boy, she would regain the attention she lost when her brother was born.
Fast forward to fourth grade, Erin describes her second "man haircut," inspired by Johnny from Karate Kid. With the emergence of puberty, she felt out of place among her peers, struggling with her developing body while trying to fit in. By eighth grade, her third haircut was another attempt to redefine herself in the face of painful experiences and societal pressures surrounding femininity.
Erin’s final haircut, occurring at age 42, came in the wake of a breast cancer diagnosis. After years of struggling with her body image and femininity, she finally felt comfortable in her skin, only to face the reality of cancer. The decision to cut her long hair became a way to exert control amid the chaos. Erin reflects on the trauma tied to her long hair, realizing it held the memories of her past struggles with identity.
A Shift in Perspective
As Erin shares her story, it’s clear that her relationship with hair has evolved alongside her cancer diagnosis. She highlights how hair can symbolize more than just appearance — it can encapsulate trauma, identity, and resilience. By cutting her hair, Erin found a way to detach from the emotional weight it carried and reclaim her narrative.
We discuss the complexity of identity in the context of illness. Many cancer survivors grapple with the question, “Who am I without my hair?” Erin's perspective shifts this narrative, emphasizing that losing her hair opened up a space for deeper self-reflection and understanding. She expresses that, rather than being defined by her illness, she is learning to see cancer as just one part of her multifaceted identity.
Finding Freedom in Change
Erin notes how she’s reached a point where she no longer views her cancer as an all-encompassing aspect of her identity. Instead, she recognizes it as part of her life’s story, alongside other experiences like weight gain and changes in appearance. This acceptance has allowed her to focus on who she is beyond her diagnosis.
Erin’s piece serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of storytelling in healing. She encourages others to explore their own narratives, acknowledging the complexities and emotional landscapes tied to their experiences.
Writing Prompt Inspired by Today’s Episode
Set your timer for eight minutes. Write without stopping or editing. Really trust the process. Keep your hand moving. There is magic to be found in here.
Tell a story in the way that Erin told her story. Perhaps it is a hair story and you'll tell it through your haircuts. You can also take another experience that you've had several iterations of, say, surgeries or road trips or, births of children. The idea is to take a collection of experiences that you've had more than two of and tell the story, weaving those experiences together.
If you choose to go with hair, you can start with the prompt: It was never just hair.
Write without stopping. See what needs to come out and where it will take you. Happy writing. Until next time, take good care.
Episode Links
Read a transcript of this podcast
Purchase the 2024 “Body” issue of Wildfire Magazine
Listen to past episodes featuring Erin: “A Guest Room for MBC” and “Feeling Good as Hell?”
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